Wrecking me
by Jazmingirl
Summary: I don t have faith in us Danny I lost the will to fight for us Slash McDanno
1. Chapter 1

Title: Wrecked

Hi first of all thanks to my amazing beta Sybillsdreams for her amazing help can´t do it without you

Piece of the song belong to Miley Cyrus

"_We kissed I fell under your spell _

_A love no one could deny_

_Don´t you ever say I just walked away I´ll always want you…"_

Danny was still trying to figure it out where everything went to hell, he knew that he could be a bastard no one was perfect but to screw up a relationship that could easily had been the best of his life? Wow, that was real low even for him, and God knew he had fucked up a lot of things.

He still could feel Steve eyes looking at him, he could feel the heart of his lover breaking and still did nothing and when Steve left and everything came crushing down onto him. He knew that he had lost, he knew that there wasn´t another chance, that Steve had fought for them until he ran out of patience waiting for something that wasn´t going to happen and what Danny now feared, is if his now ex-lover may have run out of love?

Danny still couldn´t understand why he resisted the idea, why he fought the idea of coming out to their friends so hard. He was happy with Steve, hell he was so very much in love that he wanted to shout out it to world that he had snatched the most beautiful human being on Earth; but, every time Steve brought the subject he had some excuse to back down.

Months went by like that, being careful, hiding and trying to appear as something that he wasn´t, every time he could see Steve´s eyes losing some of that glow.

And yesterday Steve and him finally faced each other and the big elephant or better said, Steve told him a few truths about himself. They argued like crazy they were two very temperamental guys and finally Danny lashed out at Steve, Danny went for the kill when he knew Steve was right, Danny was merciless and Steve took it all because he understood what Danny himself didn´t, that Danny was ashamed of himself, of what he was, of who he loved.

He could still see it, playing it in his head, word for word, look for look, Steve´s eyes and the way he lay his feelings on the table for Danny and the way he draw the line, the way he told Danny that it was over.

"_Why Danno I´m not ashamed of you, of loving you, why can´t we tell people? Our own people? Our family that we´re together?"_

"_Because is not the time, because they may not understand, because Rachel may take Gracie away from me, because what the other cops will say about us"_

"_That´s bullshit Danno and you know it, our Ohana will love us no matter what, Chin, Kono and Kamekona are ours, and Rachel; well, if she tries something we will fight it together like a family. I don´t give a flying fuck about others outside our family, and you shouldn't either if we stand together they will have to deal but maybe there is more than just what you´re saying"_

"_Screw you Steve, you don´t know, you´re some kind of machine made of steel and here you´re like a God who do you think is going to tell you anything? No it will be me the one to deal with all the blame"_

"_Blame? What the hell do you think I am Danny? I was born gay and I tried to hide it and paid a big price for it and I swore to myself that I´ll never hide it again. I am not a secret Dan, we fell in love, there is no one to blame, because love is a great feeling. I went against everything I promised myself for you Dan, because I love you and I keep thinking that you´re going to change your mind and tell our loved ones the truth but contrary to what you may think I´m not a machine, I´m a human being, Dan, and this, this shit can´t keep happening, I don´t like the person I´m becoming, I won´t be this person, not anymore, not even for you, not even of how much I love you, it won´t work because in the end it will make us miserable, it will make us hate each other"_

"_So all that matters is what you´re going through? Fuck you Steven, you knew I had a daughter when we started fucking, you knew that there were lines I wouldn´t cross so who the fuck do you think you are to ask me more than what you knew I could give you? You have it simple, I have a daughter and this could shame her, her life, my family back in the main land you have no one so you don´t know what the hell are you talking about it so shut the fuck up?"_

"_That´s a lie Dan, you´re not worry about shaming Gracie, about shaming your family you´re worried because you´re still fighting you. That´s why you call us fucking and I call us love, you´re fighting you, who you are, what you feel when you´re with me, and I can´t help you there, because I already did my fight, you said you loved me when we´re alone but is easy that way, in the darkness, everyone can talk in the darkness, it is saying it outside of four walls that is troubling you because you´re still denying that you are in love with a man, and I love you Danno but somewhere, somehow I need to draw a line to keep me from getting more hurt. You have the power to break me, I gave you that power when I gave you my heart and I bleed for you because I can tell that you´re scared but Dan you should know that you would never be alone, that the moment I told you about my feelings you became my family. I know that tomorrow, when you realize what you did and what you said you´re going to be sorry, you´re going to make promises and you´re going to ask another chance but it won´t matter because it won´t work, even if I close my eyes and pretend that every word is true, it won´t last, we won´t last, we burned each other too much and not even my love is enough to save us"_

"_Steve please just let´s talk in the morning"_

"_Good bye Dan"_

He was right, the moment Steve left his apartment Danny knew he had made a terrible mistake, that he had thrown away the best thing that ever happened to him, and he started calling Steve but like Steve had told him, it was too late. He waited and gave his lover time and today he went to speak with him but Steve wasn´t there, at least not his Steve, this man was a shadow, he was broken and it was all Danny´s fault. The rest of his Ohana knew what happened and they hadn't said a word to him, Steve had spoken with them, he could feel it, Chin and Kono were closing ranks around their beloved boss and they were keeping Danny outside, they were protecting Steve from him and that hurt him a lot.

Six months went by and nothing changed, they worked together yeah, they were still the best unit in the Nation but Steve and Danno we´re no longer "Steve and Danno", they were just the Commander and the detective, and it hurt him. His daughter suffered the most because she kept waiting for the day when they told her that they were getting married and when Danny asked how she knew, his baby surprised him.

"_Easy Danno, it was in the way Uncle Steve looked at you, he had the "I love you" look that mommy and I see when we watch our love movies"_

"_I messed it up kiddo and I don´t think that your Uncle Steve is going to forgive me."_

"_The first part Danno is to forgive yourself, you´re not something to be ashamed, I love you and I know Uncle Steve loved you now you have to make him remember that."_

"_I´m not sure it is the moment baby, I hurt him a lot and I need to set thing right before trying to get him back"_

"_I love you Danno"_

"_Danno loves you too Monkey"_

From that day Danny began seeing a therapist that helped him handle things that were inside him, he still tried to see if his relationship with Steve could be saved but his love remain closed to him.

Until one night went he found himself facing Steve again.

"_We need to talk"_

"_We don´t Danny, we closed the case and we did all our paperwork we don´t have anything to talk about"_

"_I want another chance"_

"_Sorry can´t do that, I ran out of chances"_

"_I know I deserve that but please we can try, we can work things now, I´m in a better place now"_

"_I know and I´m very happy for you but I can´t Dan"_

"_Why not Steve? I love you babe, I know I did things in a terrible way but I got help and I´m better and all I´m asking is another chance"_

"_And I wish it could be as easy as you think but is not, you said things that are hard to forget you treat me like I was some kind of a dark secret that needed to be kept hidden, to be forgotten you can´t take back everything just because you´re better, it doesn´t work like that._

_I´m glad for you Danny but, I lost the will to fight for us because I lost the will to believe in us, I don´t believe in you Danny, and I just can´t be with someone that I don´t believe a word he said. I don´t have the strength to believe in us, you shattered all my faith in you I simply don´t trust you enough to take another chance"_

"_There is has to be a way, I know I hurt you Steve and it kills me to know that I cause you pain but I love you so much and I can´t believe our story would end like this, please babe"_

And Steve looked at him with those blue-grey eyes full of sadness Danny knew his answer.

"_This can´t end like this, we can´t end like this"_

"_I´m sorry Danny, sometimes not even the good guys get their happy endings"_

"_I love you Steve"_

"_Me too Dan, but, again that was never our problem, you still don´t understand, tell me Dan how can I be with you if I don´t trust you? In the past I have been burned so many times that I would be a fool if I didn´t understand the lesson but because I loved you, because my feeling for you clouded my reason I allowed you to step down to do what you wanted even when I knew deep down the real reason for your behavior. I was to blame because I let you do that to me, but it got to a point where I had to say no more, I love you Dan and I was willing to be there with you, every step of the way but you hurt me. No matter what you or people think I am a human being with feelings, I know you were lashing out because you were scared but didn´t you think for a minute that so was I? That I had a lot on the stake, the same as you…_

_Me a functional mute had put out there everything and you threw it all in my face no care whatsoever I know it's difficult to be with me I am a man with a lot of baggage but I tried Danny for you, for us. When I realized my feelings were deeper than just a regular fuck I tried to express myself, to tell you how I felt and you didn´t care, you didn´t understood me but I kept trying, waiting and hoping and wishing but it never happened. Like I said I lost my will to fight for you, and I am happy, really, really happy that you got the help that you needed to understand what everyone knows that you´re an amazing man, and that there is nothing wrong with you just because you´re gay and maybe we could be friends but right now I can´t be with you because I lost the meaning of us, and I don´t know if there is love enough to save what we had"_

"_I´m so sorry Steve, babe but there has got to be a way for us to be together, we deserve our happy ending, we deserve to live this love, I know I fucked up things and there isn´t enough sorrow to make you feel better, but I have to have faith that we can pass this, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but I know that we can get there. I´m going to prove it to you that what we feel is still there, I know it"_

"_I wish I had your faith Danny, I´m sorry"_

"_Me too but you´re not to blame"_

"_Good bye, Danno"_

"_Good Bye Steve and remember Danno loves you"_

With that Danny knew that he needed to leave, because it wasn´t time, he had to face the fact that for now he had lost the love of this amazing man, he needed to make a plan to win him back, he needed Steve back and damn if he wasn´t going to put one hell of a fight to get him.

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Words I couldn´t say

Hey thanks amazing beta Sybillsdream for your help in this story.

Song by Rascal Flatts.

"_**In a book in a box in the closet**_

_**In a line in a song I once heard**_

_**In a moment home in front porch late one June**_

_**In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon**_

_**There it was at the tip of my fingers**_

_**There it was on the tip of my tongue**_

_**There you were and I have never been that far**_

_**There it was the whole world wrap inside my arms**_

_**And I let it all slip away…"**_

Danny´s POV

He was watching TV and not paying any attention, he was drinking again; it had become a habit of his lately. He was cursing himself because of his stupidity, and he was alone, because he had thrown away the love of a great man.

He was again listening to the same song that had become his partner since Steve told him no. Word for word, this song detailed his moronic behavior and in a way he understood why his ex-lover did what he did.

He wasn´t OK, he had a ferocious internal battle with the fact that he needed to admit to himself that he was a least bisexual, it was difficult for him to understand that he wasn´t a monster for loving another man.

He understood that he wasn´t ready for the relationship Steve offered him but he didn´t have to hurt Steve that much.

Now he knew that fear had been a factor because it was too much; but, instead of telling Steve and facing together what he felt, he hurt the man that only was offering to love him.

"_**What do I do now that you´re gone? **_

_**No backup plan, no second chance **_

_**And no one else to blame**_

_**All I can hear is the silence that remains **_

_**And the words I couldn´t say…" **_

Loving Steve was easy, he was a beautiful man, despite everything that he went through, he was a warm man willing to love openly. Steve didn´t hide, he knew that his confidence came from learning from bad experiences and he tried to help him overcome his fear but Danny wasn´t ready and it all went to hell.

He looked for help and received it, it helped him understand his own internal process and he decided that he was ready for Steve and was so confident that Steve was going to do what he wanted that he never stopped for a minute to think about what he had done to his lover.

Steve´s words were still there haunting him.

"_Me a functional mute had put out there everything and you threw it all in my face no care whatsoever I know it's difficult to be with me I am a man with a lot of baggage but I tried Danny for you, for us. When I realized my feelings were deeper than just a regular fuck I tried to express myself, to tell you how I felt and you didn´t care but I kept trying, waiting and hoping and wishing but it never happened. Like I said I lost my will to fight for you, and I am happy, really happy that you got the help that you needed to understand what everyone knows that you´re an amazing man, and that there is nothing wrong with you just because you´re gay and maybe we could be friends but right now I can´t be with you because I lost the meaning of us, and I don´t know if there is love enough to save what we had"_

Now he didn´t know what to do. He wants his lover back but he doesn´t know what to do to make Steve regain the will and hope he had in them. Danny tried everything to fix his marriage with Rachel but this wasn´t the same because with her it was simple and when he was ready he knew they weren´t in love anymore and even when it hurt him he knew; but, with Steve it was different love was there, they were in love but Danny didn´t want to face it and Steve lost the will to fight it for the both of them, Steve in the end needed to protect himself so he got himself out of the mess Danny was, even when it cost him a lot, because he wasn´t a fool, Danny knew he had broken Steve´s heart.

"_**There is a rain that it never stop falling**_

_**There is a wall that I´ve tried to take down**_

_**What I should it say just wouldn´t pass my lips**_

_**So I held back and now we´ve come to this **_

_**And is too late now**_

_**What do I do now that you´re gone? **_

_**Not back up plan, not second chance **_

_**And no one else to blame**_

_**All I can hear is the silence that remains **_

_**And the words I couldn´t say…"**_

He needed to try and fix what may have been the greatest love of his life; he needed that man again with a desperation that sometimes scared him. He wanted to be happy and he knew without a single doubt that he will only be happy with Steve back at his side.

He was filled with questions and some certain things like the fact that Chin and Kono will play a big part in getting Steve back, so first he needed them back. He needed to prove to them that he wasn´t going to hurt their beloved boss, he needed them to know that he had found the words to build what he had lost again or build something new and healthier with the man he loved.

He had his daughters' support, she loved the SEAL, she told him that much and let him know that no one could compare to him.

So that left only his family and Rachel, and both surprised him by laughing in his face and telling him that they knew. His momma told him that it was in his voice when he talked about "the crazy Neanderthal moronic idiot with a death wish" and Rachel told him it was in his eyes when they were together and looked at each other, she let him know that it was OK, that he simply loved another person it didn´t matter to her that he was a man and Stan didn´t have a say in the matter.

So the question was how?

He needed to find out and he was damned if he wasn´t going to fight for his SEAL.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Don´t make me

Hi this is place a month before the first chapter.

This deals with Steve´s thoughts and emotions while dealing with Danny´s moods and actions.

Lyrics by Blake Shelton

"_**When I look at you**_

_**You look through me like I'm not even there**_

_**I'm trying not to give up**_

_**To be strong but I'm afraid to say I'm scared**_

_**I can't find the place your heart is hiding**_

_**And I'm no quitter but I'm tired of fighting"**_

STEVE POV

This is getting harder and harder, Could it be me? I love him and he seems to not knowing or fuck is like he doesn´t care.

I know I´m not an easy person to love but I´m trying and lately it seems that is only me in this I don´t know what to called it anymore.

I love him, he became a big part of me, he lights my world, Jesus crap I´m starting to sound like a chick, loving him is a contradiction because sometimes is so easy and is also the hardest thing I have ever done.

I´m scared because he can break me, he doesn´t know he has the power but I give it to him, I´m helpless, I´m exposed he can hurt me more than anyone else could ever do because I can´t fight him, and it hurts to know that while he will survive our relationship if you can called it like this I won´t.

I can see it, he is not here with me, I have half of him and I get the dark part, the one that needs to hurt to protect itself from being hurt, he doesn´t trust that I won´t hurt him Rachel and maybe somebody else hurt him deeply and made him feel an act like a scared animal that is cornered he will attack first and deal later, but we´re not dealing, we don´t speak, we´re scared because it hurts to feel this way but I´m losing my faith in us, in him.

"_**Baby, I love you, don't wanna lose you**_

_**Don't make me let you go**_

_**Took such a long time for me to find you**_

_**Don´t make me let you go**_

_**Baby, I´m begging please**_

_**And I´m down here on my knees**_

_**I don´t wanna have to set you free**_

_**Don´t make me…"**_

I have never been this in love before, he means so much to me, sometimes I blame myself because I knew he was in dark place when we started sleeping with each other well I don´t sleep with him we just fuck, he so scared of admitting what he feels that he blames me, he mocks me I´m not a machine I act like one because that´s what helps me in my line of work.

Should I end this? Should I leave him? I´m getting tired of fighting alone.

"_**What if when I´m long gone**_

_**It dawns on you, you just might want me back**_

_**Let me make myself clear**_

_**If I leave here, it's done I`m gone that´s that**_

_**You carry my love around like it´s a heavy burden**_

_**Well, I´m about to take it back, are you sure it's worth it?**_

_**Baby, I love you, don`t wanna lose you**_

_**Don´t make me let you go**_

_**Took such a long time for me to find you**_

_**Don´t make me let you go…"**_

I don´t want to end this but how much more can I take? I´m tired of talking to someone who is just not there.

I love them, him and my princess but he seriously can shatter me and it will be for good, I won´t coming back it would destroy our Ohana, I can see them figuring things out, can see them closing ranks and I don´t want that because he needs all the support he can get but what about me? Should I be a casualty in his internal war? Should I expose myself for him to finish me? Is this worth enough?

"_**Baby, I´m begging please**_

_**And I´m down here on my knees**_

_**I don´t wanna have to set you free**_

_**Don´t make me, don´t make me**_

_**Baby, I´m begging please**_

_**And I´m down here on my knees**_

_**I don´t wanna have to set you free**_

_**Don´t make me, don´t make me**_

_**Stop loving you**_

_**Don´t make me**_

_**Stop needing you…"**_

You are out of the door again and I didn´t follow you, is this a sign? Maybe it is, I´m running out of will to fight for us Danny and is killing me, please Danny let me in we can fight together, we can win and build a wonderful life, if only you let me in, I´m tired of begging and I´m tired of fighting for us alone I love you but I realizing that love, my love may not be enough for you.

I love so much but you´re making me leave before you shatter me, before you crush me I´m losing faith in us in our love, I´m losing faith that we can get a happy ending and it hurts so much.

Please Danny don´t make me let you go, see me Danno.

Yeah I´m hammered I need some sleep, I need to think this, I´m so tired.

Tbc


End file.
